List Fifty Two

Best Not Appropriate for Work Spam Subject Lines (Part I):

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List Fifty One

Top Ten Non-Violent but Satisfying Things to do to People You Don't Like

1. Unfriend them on your social networking site of choice.
2. Spray paint them.
3. Send them a singing telegram delivered by a clown.
4. Make a deal with Zeus so that it always rains on their parade..
5. Teach their cat how to talk.
6. Fill their gas tank with tarantulas.
7. Program their computer to play Beyonce without cessation every time it is powered on.
8. Rig it so that on Halloween, all the houses they go to are only dispensing candy corn.
9. Tell them Santa Claus isn't real.
10. Switch their vegetarian chili for beef stew, or, switch their beef stew for vegetarian chili.

List Fifty

pornos that maureen dowd (or myself) might buy, if they existed, which they should, i must admit:

1. the new york times presents a very special night with frank rich
2. ferryboat to scum island
3. animal cracker orgy disaster
4. twelve penises fight over one lonely vagina
5. lobbyists who dare!
6. i left my heart in rhodesia: a child sex slave case study
7. cocked: an ode to dennis farina
8. yellow rose of sex-as
9. trannies grannies, and dolphins: the golden girls wild seaworld adventure
10. department of the treasury gets down and dirty

List Forty Nine.

A list of items that mayonnaise could be a stunt double for:

1. Cake icing.
2. Sour milk.
3. Toothpaste.
4. Grout.
5. Lubricant.
6. Deoderant.
7. Sunscreen.
8. Snot.
9. Claymation Santa mustache.
10. Unicorn hairspray.

List Forty Eight

Items confiscated by the police from the backseat of Lil Jon's pimped out ride:

1. The Complete Idiots Guide to Baby Massage
2. Several bottles of vintage Cabernet Sauvignon
3. A feathered head-dress
4. A Dictionary
5. Lil Wayne
6. Lil Bo
7. Lil Kim
8. Lil Romeo
9. Lil Weezy
10. Salad Tongs

List Forty Seven

Words that pair well with the Suffix "-ista"

1. Car Washista
2. Jellybeanista
3. Scientologista
4. Genghis Khanista
5. Pepperonista
6. Whooping Coughista
7. Alabamista
8. Pedophilista
9. Jeep Grand Cherrokista
10. Taoista

List Forty Six

The Top Ten Images that Appear when One Searches for "Anything" on Google Images (can you spot the NSFW?):

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List Forty Five

The Top Ten Ways to Avoid Being Sunburned this Summer:

1. Always stand under a cloud.
2. Replace your skin with those sun visors for car windshields.
3. Have an umbrella surgically implanted in your skull.
4. Rebuild the ozone layer.
5. Eat sunscreen for breakfast.
6. Get bitten by a vampire.
7. Take up knitting.
8. Dig a hole to China.
9. Construct a covered walkway from your front door to anywhere you might possibly ever go.
10. Run for President and, upon your victory, declare a War on Cancer and nuke the sun.

List Forty Four.

A list of things that are unpleasant to touch:

1. Hydrochloric acid.
2. Pool algae.
3. Certain people.
4. Shed hair that has collected in the shower drain.
5. Porcupine quills.
6. Festering open wounds.
7. Soggy bread.
8. Poison arrow frogs.
9. Boiling water.
10. Grease stains.

List Forty Three.

A list of exciting things that google autofills when I type certain letters in the search box:

1. w: wang center for the performing arts
2. b: buttocks parts
3. s: salacious dictionary
4. f: fergie pee pants
5. a: alligator vs crocodile
6. r: robo-sapians expansion team
7. h: heidi montag spencer pratt engagement
8. e: eliza does NOT count as a girlfriend
9. m: marky mark and the funky bunch
10. y: you don't drink, you don't smoke

List Forty Two.

Top 10 reasons why Laura is cool enough to write Lists for this blog:

1. She steals Sperm Donor Advertisements from the T.
2. She has met Tron Guy.
3. Her favorite variety of fish paste is Lizardfish paste.
4. Luigi > Mario.
5. Her favorite vagina related song is "New Vagina" by the Bloodhoud Gang.
6. Despite (or maybe because of) being a vegetarian, she thinks food tastes better if it is shaped like or resembles an animal. Preferably a cute animal. Examples of this include Gummi bears, Hello-Kitty noodles, and Mrs Butterworth.
7. She has met Bob Dole.
8. When she is not Laura, she is actually George, and we all know girls with boy names are kinda cool.
9. She filed her taxes on April 14th at 4pm.
10. She can weld.

List Forty One.

Top Ten Things Bill Clinton Might Eat for Breakfast.

1. A burrito.
2. A can of tomato soup.
3. The hearts of small children.
4. Reynolds wrap.
5. Extremely erotic spandex swimwear.
6. Argentina.
7. Chris Wallace.
8. Peanut butter and banana sandwiches.
9. Crack cocaine.
10. Chelsea Clinton.

List Forty.

Top Ten Reasons Claire is Cool Enough to Write Lists on this Blog:

1. She has never seen Astra naked.
2. Her nose is pert.
3. She once sang "Happy Birthday" to Albert Belle.
4. You might not know this, but she is short.
5. She is really into nationalism.
6. She has lots of rocks.
7. Her hair is pretty cool.
8. She is an award winner.
9. Her mother looks like Peggy Hill.
10. Only she can prevent forest fires.