Wednesday, April 1, 2009

List Sixty Six.

A list of why lists suck:

1. They're close-minded.
2. They're just too short.
3. And if they're long, they're wayyy too long.
4. I bet they beat their children.
5. And they murder the most defenseless and adorable kittens.
6. Only jerky people like them.
7. They never take baths, so they smell bad.
8. They still believe in Santa Claus.
9. They stole my boyfriend.

Sunday, February 22, 2009

List Sixty Five.

A list of famous triplets (probability of 1 out of 8000 pregnancies):

1. Diana, Sylvia, and Vicky Villegas: used to be in a group called "The Triplets." They are best known for their 1991 single, "You Don't Have To Go Home Tonight." I can't sing it for you.
2. Petra, Rachel, and Tanya Haden: musician ladies active in numerous bands. Rachel and Petra were once in the '90s band "That Dog" - oh, the wonderful memories of my middle school.
3. Helen, Kate, and Lil Armstrong: first accepted set of triplets all to be accepted to Cambridge University. I don't know who were the first triplets accepted to Harvard, sorry.
4. The Saunders triplets (IMDB doesn't attribute their first names and that makes me angry): played the baby Harry Potter in that Harry Potter movie that I hate and everyone loves.
5. Erica, Jaclyn and Nicole Dahm: blond playmates who co-ordinated breast implants to advance their naked careers (think about the term "naked careers").
6. Craig, Nick and Ryan Karshner: model dudes for Abercrombie and Fitch and Cingular. Also they have a calendar.
7. Alex, Claire and Robert Chapman: mom was barely seventeen when she had these kids. That's a whole lot of growing up to do.
8. Joy, Leanna and Monica Creel: starred in various made for TV parent trap movies. Leanna was in "Saved By The Bell" as Tori Scott, and has her own photo business thing with terrible music, maybe you shouldn't click the link oh god the music.
9. Alice Holmes, Doris Kingston and Gladys Caress: old living set of triplets. Gladys has one of the sauciest old lady names ever.
10. Arecelia Garcia was 54 when she had a naturally conceived set of triplets. Wikipedia hates me and doesn't want to tell me their first names either, and also, I'm done with this list, I feel thricely educated enough.

Tuesday, February 17, 2009

List Sixty Four

10 Over-Sharing Things that I Almost, but Didn't, Include in my "25 things about me" list on Facebook.

1. Friends I've had sexy dreams about.
2. Family members I've had sexy dreams about.
3. My GPA.
4. Mistakes I made in High School bathrooms.
5. How I lost my virginity.
6. What I read while I am on the toilet.
7. How much I stalk everybody on facebook, especially you.
8. Thoughts concerning my farts vs. other peoples farts.
9. Professors I've had sexy dreams about.
10. A 5000 word account of my current and past relationships, written in an emotional stream of conscious style.

Wednesday, January 28, 2009

List Sixty Three.

A list of sovereign states that could also double as sexy dance moves.

1. Burundi.
2. Tonga.
3. Kiribati.
4. Djibouti.
5. The Gambia.
6. Panama.
7. Tuvalu.
8. Antigua (but not Barbuda).
9. Vanuatu.
10. Uganda.

Thursday, December 25, 2008

List Sixty Two.

A (Best Of!) List Of The Top Napkins Of 2008.

1. The pink and yellow polka-dotted one that matches my pink and yellow polka-dotted jumpsuit and my pink and yellow polka-dotted luggage set, but not my blue and yellow polka-dotted socks.
2. The plain red one. It's really plain. But basic. It absorbs rather well.
3. The one that caught on fire once. I don't know what color it was originally. However, it saved my life, back in the Great Napkin Fire of 1988.
4. The cotton rayon green plaid one that once belonged to my Scottish uncle Thaddeus.
5. The one I used at that restaurant when I was 4 and it covered my whole torso.
6. The one my best friend bought for me because it reminded her of vikings.
7. The one that I can't tell you what it looks like because FBI agents use it.
8. The one with the picture of Jean-Luc Picard on it.
9. The blue one with the ketchup stains.
10. The monogrammed napkin of IAW that I bought at a yard sale once.

Friday, November 7, 2008

List Sixty.

A list of what some countries call their dollar store franchises:

1. Mexico: Waldo's Dollar Mart
2. England: Poundland
3. Denmark: Tiger
4. France: Monoprix
5. Sweden: Bubbeltian
6. Australia: Crazy Clark's
7. Japan: Cando
8. Malta: Tal-Lira
9. United States: Deal$
and my personal favorite:
10. Canada: Your Dollar Store With More