List Nineteen.

A list of animal combinations are pretty fun to say (and imagine!)

1. Beaver + Caribou = Beaverbou
2. Falcon + Centipede = Falcopede
3. Platypus + Spider = Platypider
4. Kangaroo + Raccoon = Kangaccoon
5. Hummingbird + Walrus = Hummingrus
6. Tarantula + Cicada = Taranticada
7. Manatee + Giraffe = Manaraffe
8. Narwhal + Flamingo = Narwhingo
9. Dolphin + Nematode = Dolphitode
10. Albatross + Chinchilla = Albachilla

List Eighteen.

A list of measuring units that are seeking a comeback (in that fast-paced world of size and scale!):

1. Zeptometer.
2. Smoot.
3. Kilodalton.
4. Avogram.
5. Pulgada.
6. Palm.
7. Fathom.
8. Barleycorn.
9. Jigger.
10. Chaldron.

List Seventeen.

A list of things your cell phone would like for Christmas:

1. Ear muffs.
2. An all-expenses paid trip to the Pitcairn Islands.
3. A manicure.
4. An old-fashioned address book or a T1-83 calculator.
5. A copy of James Joyce's "Ulysses."
6. Gold's Gym membership.
7. Shag carpeting.
8. Custom-fitted cashmere scarves.
9. A mix CD of songs more than 30 seconds long.
10. A cell phone of the opposite sex.

List Sixteen.

A list of products that I would bring to fruition if I owned the "I Can't Believe It's Not Butter!" company:

1. I Can't Believe It's Not Margarine!
2. I Can't Believe It's Not Water!
3. I Can't Believe It's Not Tofu!
4. I Can't Believe It's Not Salad Bag!
5. I Can't Believe It's Not Condoms!
6. I Can't Believe It's Not Toilet Paper!
7. I Can't Believe It's Not Mouthwash!
8. I Can't Believe It's Not Knife!
9. I Can't Believe It's Not Catfood!
10. I Can't Believe It's Not Car Insurance!

List Fifteen.

A list of the most spectacular letters in the alphabet:

1. W - The only letter that takes THREE SYLLABLES to voice!
2. M - No matter which way you turn it, it's always a usable symbol (M, W, E, 3)!
3. C - Besides W (which clearly is the specialest), this is the only letter that doesn't make its sound when voiced!
4. Y - It's penultimate AND it's a question!
5. U - Like why, it also doubles as a real word!
6. O - If you lay two o's side by side, you get INFINITY but if you leave just an o by itself, you get NOTHING!
7. I - For those times that you feel selfish or acting like an optometrist!
8. K - What C as aspires to be, but isn't James Dean-y enough to go through with it!
9. V - It's the Roman numeral for 5 AND it points in a direction (A doesn't get this position because it's got a distracting bar in the middle of it)!
10. L - It can sometimes be confused for "I" or even "#1" but when capitalized, it's really a secret agent for the Half Square Association!

List Fourteen.

A chronological list of things a loud-mouthed worker at a Dairy Queen publicized from between 5:30-5:45 PM on 11.21.07:

1. How much he liked the (TERRIBLE) Gwen Stefani song on the radio.
2. That he was going on a date with not one, but TWO girls later that evening.
3. It's appalling that his co-worker didn't know who "Whitey" was.
4. But he couldn't watch "Eight Crazy Nights" with his co-worker to educate her tonight because also? He was going to a "shin-dig."
5. He skipped the first two periods of school the other day.
6. In order to do so, though, he had to forge the date from an old note written by his parents.
7. He was promptly busted last night when his mom found the forged note in his pants.
8. But he doesn't want to do his own laundry ever because that's lame.
9. He's going to leave at 7 o'clock whether or not his replacement comes to relieve him.
10. He's a prime specimen for alien abduction.*

*Shit, that last one *I* made up.

List Thirteen.

A list of things that you should avoid discussing with owls:

1. Knock knock jokes. There's nothing lamer to an owl than an extended "Whoooo's there?!"
2. And for that matter, singing, "WHO LET THE DOGS OUT?" Afroman is a sworn enemy to all owls. [EDIT: One of the dudes from Baja Men was best friends with Afroman until Sir Calvin the Righteous, the Owl King in 2018, traveled back in time to murder said Baja Men man. Now, all there is for owls to hate is Afroman, and they do so loyally and passionately]
3. Asking if that house party they're throwing is going to be a "hootenanny."
4. Telling them that you liked their latest performance in the Harry Potter movie.
5. Daylight savings time.
6. Assuming that they can reenact that head-spinning scene in The Exorcist.
7. Rhetorically demanding if they were "raised in a barn." This is a very uncouth and uncultured move on your part, as almost all owls graduated from Yale.
8. Telling them to go to bed any earlier than 5 a.m. What, are you their mom or something?
9. Seagulls. It's like asking a Blood about a Crip.
10. Gushers, fruit roll-ups or any other similarly themed sugary product. Most owls have braces and don't want to be reminded of the days when they could eat such delectable products.