List Five.

A List of Things That Aren't As Cool As Panda Bear's album "Person Pitch":

1. Harry Potter.
2. Any other CD that's come out before, during or after 2007.
3. All of the icebergs in the Northern and Southern hemispheres.
4. That feeling of catching that pesky mosquito which has been plaguing you all night.
5. Marrying your true love.
6. Having a child with your true love.
7. Understanding the meaning of life.
8. Hanging out with God at the local supermarket.
9. Handing out with Satan at the local supermarket.
10. Finding that person who was your total arch nemesis in grade school and finding out that, not only are they a useless drug addict, but they actually secretly looked up to you and were a rotten communicator of his/her admiration for you. And then spitting on their face. After standing in front of them and making out with your movie star boy/girlfriend.

List Four.

A List Of Things Better To Do Than Read Harry Potter:

1. Throw away all Harry Potter books or paraphernalia.
2. Or, if you don't want to litter, return all Harry Potter books or paraphernalia.
3. Translate the phrase "Harry Potter is an insipid cult that is brainwashing the best minds of our generation" into the 6800 known languages across the globe.
4. Insist on calling Harry Potter "Harry Pooper."
5. Write thank you notes to J.K. Rowling for finishing her abominable series.
6. Bake a cake for each employee at your local bookstore who is tired of selling the latest Harry Potter, er, Harry Pooper installment.
7. If you're writing about Harry Pooper, spell it "Hairy Pooper" for extra chuckles.
8. If you run across an unguarded Hairy Pooper, recall your talent for projectile vomit.
9. Convince that terrible group "Harry and the Potters" to stop writing music. Tell them that J.K. Rowling hates music. She does. It's why she writes such terrible books - she's reacting to her dislike for things inspired by those who posses actual talent.
10. After purging the world of all things Hairy Pooper, pet your cat. He hasn't been getting that much love after your all-consuming hatred for Hairy Pooper and he needs attention.

List Three.

A list of things that too often have lists made for them:

1. Groceries
2. Things to do
3. Censuses
4. Countdowns
5. Your Netflix queue
6. Endangered species
7. Phone call bills
8. Recipes
9. Address books
10. Christmas letters to Santa

List Two.

A list of fruits to buy at the grocery story that will confuse your cashier:

1. Cherimoya
2. Passionfruit
3. Pomelo
4. Lychee
5. Rambutan
6. Physalis
7. Feijoa
8. Durian
9. Horned melon
10. Mangosteen

List One.

A list of things to call your cat (preferably large & male) that are really cute:

1. Furpants
2. Senor Fuzzface
3. Sir Tail-A-Lot
4. King of All Meows
5. Captain Fluffpower
6. Doctor McFurrykins
7. Chief Poops-In-Box
8. Colonel Darling-Soft
9. Lieutenant Fatness
10. The Purr Master

ABOUT THIS BLOG

Everyone likes lists, right?

Well.

A list of people that don't like lists:

1. Casper, the Friendly Ghost - in Ghostland, there's no internet, ability to hold a pen & write on paper, and the memory is too fleeting to hold for terribly long.
2. Archie - He can only get up to two because it's always between Veronica or Betty and boy, does he not like saying who gets the first spot.
3. Napoleon - not the one that you are thinking, but the third. His hatred of lists is often called "The Napoleon III Complex."
4. Bono - if he is not number one, even if the the list is "Who Has The Dumbest Sunglasses," he gets cranky.
5. The Grim Reaper - everyone always wants to know when they are going to die and in what order and frankly, that takes the fun out of it.
6. James McCutcheon - some guy in Idaho whose mother was killed by a list.
7. Christopher Columbus - really, he only hates shopping lists. He usually forgets oranges and that makes his wife mad.
8. Franz Liszt - this one is self explanatory.
9. Captain Kirk - they just have no use in the future.
10. Pluto - he never got over why Goofy is a dog but gets to act as a human... so what's the compelling argument to make a list if no one thinks that you're a person?

These are the only people that don't like lists. Be happy you are not one of them!