List Eight.

A list of terrible ideas for "going away" presents (and a list of exceptions!):

1. A bag of cement*
2. Q-tips that you used to clean out your cat's ears**
3. Anything with that "-be-gone!" suffix, i.e. "Itch Be Gone!", "Bugs Be Gone!" etc.***
4. Expired pickles****
5. Underwater goggles to fit a chihuahua*****
6. An autographed thank you note******
7. An empty jewel case entitled "Erotic Lounge Mix"*******
8. A $100 gift card for Tower Records********
9. A mix CD featuring sounds of despair, torture, sobbing, and war sounds*********
10. A garden gnome full of oregano**********

*1. Unless the person is off to build a splendid driveway
**2. Unless the person is a vet student who's writing his thesis about ear mites
***3. Unless that person is particularly itchy or buggy
****4. Unless the person collects (what he hopes to be) antique pickle jars
*****5. Unless the person specializes in training small dogs to swim
******6. Unless the person is your biggest stalker. Hmm. I might have to think about this one.
*******7. Unless the person is Astra, the blogger behind this madness. Because, seriously, I spent 5 cents at a yard sale for this beauty. I laughed for a few days. It was great.
********8. Unless the person is going to a time traveler's convention to see what sweet records he can score in the recent past
*********9. Unless the person needs inspiration for his interview with Satan
**********10. Unless the person is going to enter an Italian cooking contest