List Sixty Six.

A list of why lists suck:

1. They're close-minded.
2. They're just too short.
3. And if they're long, they're wayyy too long.
4. I bet they beat their children.
5. And they murder the most defenseless and adorable kittens.
6. Only jerky people like them.
7. They never take baths, so they smell bad.
8. They still believe in Santa Claus.
9. They stole my boyfriend.
10. JUST KIDDING!!!!! HAPPY APRIL FOOLS DAY!!!!!!!!

List Sixty Five.

A list of famous triplets (probability of 1 out of 8000 pregnancies):

1. Diana, Sylvia, and Vicky Villegas: used to be in a group called "The Triplets." They are best known for their 1991 single, "You Don't Have To Go Home Tonight." I can't sing it for you.
2. Petra, Rachel, and Tanya Haden: musician ladies active in numerous bands. Rachel and Petra were once in the '90s band "That Dog" - oh, the wonderful memories of my middle school.
3. Helen, Kate, and Lil Armstrong: first accepted set of triplets all to be accepted to Cambridge University. I don't know who were the first triplets accepted to Harvard, sorry.
4. The Saunders triplets (IMDB doesn't attribute their first names and that makes me angry): played the baby Harry Potter in that Harry Potter movie that I hate and everyone loves.
5. Erica, Jaclyn and Nicole Dahm: blond playmates who co-ordinated breast implants to advance their naked careers (think about the term "naked careers").
6. Craig, Nick and Ryan Karshner: model dudes for Abercrombie and Fitch and Cingular. Also they have a calendar.
7. Alex, Claire and Robert Chapman: mom was barely seventeen when she had these kids. That's a whole lot of growing up to do.
8. Joy, Leanna and Monica Creel: starred in various made for TV parent trap movies. Leanna was in "Saved By The Bell" as Tori Scott, and has her own photo business thing with terrible music, maybe you shouldn't click the link oh god the music.
9. Alice Holmes, Doris Kingston and Gladys Caress: old living set of triplets. Gladys has one of the sauciest old lady names ever.
10. Arecelia Garcia was 54 when she had a naturally conceived set of triplets. Wikipedia hates me and doesn't want to tell me their first names either, and also, I'm done with this list, I feel thricely educated enough.

List Sixty Four

10 Over-Sharing Things that I Almost, but Didn't, Include in my "25 things about me" list on Facebook.

1. Friends I've had sexy dreams about.
2. Family members I've had sexy dreams about.
3. My GPA.
4. Mistakes I made in High School bathrooms.
5. How I lost my virginity.
6. What I read while I am on the toilet.
7. How much I stalk everybody on facebook, especially you.
8. Thoughts concerning my farts vs. other peoples farts.
9. Professors I've had sexy dreams about.
10. A 5000 word account of my current and past relationships, written in an emotional stream of conscious style.

List Sixty Three.

A list of sovereign states that could also double as sexy dance moves.

1. Burundi.
2. Tonga.
3. Kiribati.
4. Djibouti.
5. The Gambia.
6. Panama.
7. Tuvalu.
8. Antigua (but not Barbuda).
9. Vanuatu.
10. Uganda.

List Sixty Two.

A (Best Of!) List Of The Top Napkins Of 2008.

1. The pink and yellow polka-dotted one that matches my pink and yellow polka-dotted jumpsuit and my pink and yellow polka-dotted luggage set, but not my blue and yellow polka-dotted socks.
2. The plain red one. It's really plain. But basic. It absorbs rather well.
3. The one that caught on fire once. I don't know what color it was originally. However, it saved my life, back in the Great Napkin Fire of 1988.
4. The cotton rayon green plaid one that once belonged to my Scottish uncle Thaddeus.
5. The one I used at that restaurant when I was 4 and it covered my whole torso.
6. The one my best friend bought for me because it reminded her of vikings.
7. The one that I can't tell you what it looks like because FBI agents use it.
8. The one with the picture of Jean-Luc Picard on it.
9. The blue one with the ketchup stains.
10. The monogrammed napkin of IAW that I bought at a yard sale once.

List Sixty One

A list about lists:
Select articles from Wiki-How that I have found particularly inspiring.

1. How to Avoid Looking Like an American Tourist
2. How to Avoid Getting Shot by a Police Officer
3. How to Visualize Your New Chatroom Friend
4. How to Have a Successful Garden Gnome Community
5. How to Get Rid of Lice With Orange Juice
6. How to Understand Philosophical Determinism
7. How to Handle a Nervous Pony
8. How to Survive a Freestyle Rap Battle
9. How to Calculate Pi by Throwing Frozen Hot Dogs
10. How to Make a Diaper Cake

List Sixty.

A list of what some countries call their dollar store franchises:

1. Mexico: Waldo's Dollar Mart
2. England: Poundland
3. Denmark: Tiger
4. France: Monoprix
5. Sweden: Bubbeltian
6. Australia: Crazy Clark's
7. Japan: Cando
8. Malta: Tal-Lira
9. United States: Deal$
and my personal favorite:
10. Canada: Your Dollar Store With More

List Fifty Nine.

A list of differences between mannequins and humans:

1. Mannequin life span is estimated to top out in the thirty-something range, although the elder ones will swear that they're just twenty-somethings.
2. Human beings consume a great deal less amount of hairspray per capita than mannequins.
3. To describe a mannequin as having "a stick up [his/her] butt" is just a way of life for some, whereas for humans, the connotations are typically negative concerning certain conservative attributes.
4. Fashion is the number one priority of mannequins, while human beings site "survival" as their most important activity.
5. Mannequins are in the top ten in the Guinness Book of World Records for not-blinking (statues, or other eyeless things currently place higher), while human beings are not even considered for this feat.
6. Real estate prices for mannequins goes for a lot cheaper than humans, being that all most mannequins require is a storefront window and no other amenities.
7. Most humans celebrate religious holidays; most mannequins are atheist.
8. There's only ever been one popular diet method for mannequins - not eating - but humans have endured countless waves of fad diets (Atkins, South Beach, etc.)
9. Nearly all mannequins call Robert Palmer their favorite musician, but human beings tend to be all over the map, admiring singers who run the gamut from Bruce Springsteen to Boy George.
10. Crime rate amongst mannequins lies in the 0 percent range, as human beings commit pretty much all of the violence-related occurrences in the world.

List Fifty Eight.

A list of OTHER explanations given at the freedictionary for the acronym WTF (yes, the obvious was not listed, so I am left in the dark about this crazy internet phenomenon):

1. World Taekwondo Federation
2. Welcome to Finland
3. Wednesday Thursday Friday
4. Wireless Telecommunications Facilities
5. Why the Frown?
6. Women's Track and Field
7. Whiskey Tango Foxtrot
8. Write to File
9. Where's the Fire?
10. Weekly Top Five

List Fifty Seven.

A list of suggested domain names suggested to me, J. Astra Brinkmann, over at godaddy.com.

1. www.TheAstraCasino.com
2. www.TheBrinkmannGas.com
3. www.AstraZenGuide.com
4. www.SuperBrinkmann.com
5. www.YourBrinkmannGrill.com
6. www.TheAstraVentures.com
7. www.BestBrinkmannPartner.com
8. www.TheBrinkmannSchwarzwald.com
9. www.AstraBrinkmannWorld.com (why did this take so long to get to?)
10. www.AstraDirect.com

List Fifty Six.

A *pictured* list of some particularly bearded dead white males:

1. Norman Kittson



2. James Russell Lowell



3. Johann Strauss II



4. Mathew Brady



5. Carl Schurz



6. José Antonio Romualdo Pacheco, Jr.



7. Maximilian I of Mexico



8. Fitzhugh Lee



9. James L. Kemper



10. Finally, "Grandpa Beard" himself, Joseph Emerson Brown

List Fifty Five.

A list of reasons why procrastinating is severely more exciting than doing your laundry.

1. Laundry is for plebeians.
2. Depending on your living situation, sometimes it's a coin-op. Procrastinating is totally free.
3. There are probably way more trendy t-shirts you can buy regarding procrastination than ones talking about laundry.
4. Laundry doesn't allow you to do anything but wait. Procrastinating is a versatile past-time, ranging from listening to music, petting a cat, or even sky-diving (only for the extreme procrastinator).
5. Procrastinating has the Latin prefix "Pro" which is positive in meaning. Most people don't know this, but laundry is an ancient Etruscan word for "must be avoided at all costs because the task is so boring."
6. There are more accidents associated with laundry than procrastinating. For example: the tragedy of sweater-shrinkage, or the slipping into a puddle whilst carrying a load of FRESHLY CLEANED LAUNDRY. Procrastinating rarely results in harm.
7. Procrastination is much more easily rhymed than laundry. This proves to be very useful whenever you find yourself in a freestyle competition.
8. Folding, hanging and putting away laundry is so much more exhausting than procrastinating.
9. Laundry is a chore that is a never-ending cycle of horror. You can stop or resume procrastinating whenever you like.
10. In creating this list, I have effectively procrastinated and perhaps produced some chuckles. When I go and perform my laundry duty, no one laughs at me, and I get upset.

List Fifty Four.

A list of books Lillian Jackson Braun would write if she were no longer a technophobe* and wished to change her demographic to cater to a hipper audience:

1. The Cat Who Always Blogged About It.
2. The Cat Who Can Has Cheezburger.
3. The Cat Who Was On A Reality TV Show.
4. The Cat Who Still Used Napster.
5. The Cat Who Only Drank Soymilk Because It Was Afraid Of The Hormones Found In Cow's Milk.
6. The Cat Who Preferred Facebook To Myspace.
7. The Cat Who Was On My Stuff.**
8. The Cat Who Never Missed An Episode Of Grey's Anatomy.
9. The Cat Who Could Text Faster Than It Could Speak.
10. The Cat Who Bought An iPhone.

*she apparently writes all of her novels on a typewriter.
**really clever, don't you think?

List Fifty-Three

Recent Baby-related headlines from Foxnews.com

1. Baby Weighs 30 Pounds, Lives on French Fry Diet
2. Baby With Tumor Born Twice, Now Healthy 4-Week-Old
3. Drunk Baby Born '15 Times' Over the Limit
4. Woman Unaware of Pregnancy Gives Birth at Party
5. Nanny Rips Baby Girl From Jaws of Coyote in California Sandbox
6. Jessica Alba Gives Birth to Baby Girl
7. Tori Spelling Gives Birth to Baby Girl
8. Baby Girl Born With Two Faces Worshipped as Reincarnated God
9. Couple Arrested for Putting Days-Old Baby Up for Sale On Craigslist
10. Huge Flying Reptiles May Have Eaten Baby Dinosaurs

List Fifty Two

Best Not Appropriate for Work Spam Subject Lines (Part I):

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9.

10.

List Fifty One

Top Ten Non-Violent but Satisfying Things to do to People You Don't Like

1. Unfriend them on your social networking site of choice.
2. Spray paint them.
3. Send them a singing telegram delivered by a clown.
4. Make a deal with Zeus so that it always rains on their parade..
5. Teach their cat how to talk.
6. Fill their gas tank with tarantulas.
7. Program their computer to play Beyonce without cessation every time it is powered on.
8. Rig it so that on Halloween, all the houses they go to are only dispensing candy corn.
9. Tell them Santa Claus isn't real.
10. Switch their vegetarian chili for beef stew, or, switch their beef stew for vegetarian chili.

List Fifty

pornos that maureen dowd (or myself) might buy, if they existed, which they should, i must admit:

1. the new york times presents a very special night with frank rich
2. ferryboat to scum island
3. animal cracker orgy disaster
4. twelve penises fight over one lonely vagina
5. lobbyists who dare!
6. i left my heart in rhodesia: a child sex slave case study
7. cocked: an ode to dennis farina
8. yellow rose of sex-as
9. trannies grannies, and dolphins: the golden girls wild seaworld adventure
10. department of the treasury gets down and dirty

List Forty Nine.

A list of items that mayonnaise could be a stunt double for:

1. Cake icing.
2. Sour milk.
3. Toothpaste.
4. Grout.
5. Lubricant.
6. Deoderant.
7. Sunscreen.
8. Snot.
9. Claymation Santa mustache.
10. Unicorn hairspray.

List Forty Eight

Items confiscated by the police from the backseat of Lil Jon's pimped out ride:

1. The Complete Idiots Guide to Baby Massage
2. Several bottles of vintage Cabernet Sauvignon
3. A feathered head-dress
4. A Dictionary
5. Lil Wayne
6. Lil Bo
7. Lil Kim
8. Lil Romeo
9. Lil Weezy
10. Salad Tongs

List Forty Seven

Words that pair well with the Suffix "-ista"

1. Car Washista
2. Jellybeanista
3. Scientologista
4. Genghis Khanista
5. Pepperonista
6. Whooping Coughista
7. Alabamista
8. Pedophilista
9. Jeep Grand Cherrokista
10. Taoista