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Top Secret Salad Gnome

This blog is probably not about candles. But you can still sing along.

Friday, December 19, 2008

List Sixty One

A list about lists:
Select articles from Wiki-How that I have found particularly inspiring.

1. How to Avoid Looking Like an American Tourist
2. How to Avoid Getting Shot by a Police Officer
3. How to Visualize Your New Chatroom Friend
4. How to Have a Successful Garden Gnome Community
5. How to Get Rid of Lice With Orange Juice
6. How to Understand Philosophical Determinism
7. How to Handle a Nervous Pony
8. How to Survive a Freestyle Rap Battle
9. How to Calculate Pi by Throwing Frozen Hot Dogs
10. How to Make a Diaper Cake
Posted by Giorgie at 4:15 PM

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Irrelevant News

If only I could write about cats for the rest of my life.

Other Internet Places That Like Lists

  • Pigeoncat Pictures
  • Little And Slow
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  • Spencer Wilton
  • The Plug
  • Hipster Runoff
  • Joey Fatone's Search Engine

ABOUT THIS BLOG, YO

Everyone likes lists, right?

But for your entertainment, here is a list of people that don't like lists:

1. Casper, the Friendly Ghost - in Ghostland, there's no internet, ability to hold a pen & write on paper, and memory is too fleeting to hold for terribly long.
2. Archie - He can only get up to two because it's always between Veronica or Betty and boy, does he not like saying who gets the first spot.
3. Napoleon - not the one that you are thinking, but the third. His hatred of lists is often called "The Napoleon III Complex."
4. Bono - if he is not number one, even if the the list is "Who Has The Dumbest Sunglasses," he gets cranky.
5. The Grim Reaper - everyone always wants to know when they are going to die and in what order and frankly, that takes the fun out of it.
6. James McCutcheon - some guy in Idaho whose mother was killed by a list.
7. Christopher Columbus - really, he only hates shopping lists. He usually forgets oranges and that makes his wife mad.
8. Franz Liszt - this one is self explanatory.
9. Captain Kirk - they just have no use in the future.
10. Pluto - he never got over why Goofy is a dog but gets to act as a human... so what's the compelling argument to make a list if no one thinks that you're a person?

These are the only people that don't like lists. Be happy you are not one of them!



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      • List Sixty Two.
      • List Sixty One
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I like birds - A Short Essay by J. Astra Brinkmann

Don't you? Personally, I think that owls are the best. But lately, I am partial to pigeons. Why? Probably because they are everywhere and it's nice to feel happy all of the time, especially when that feeling is inspired by a ratty bird. Did you know that a pigeon is pretty much just a dove colored in with markers? In fact, since the world is clearly lacking enough pigeons, the next time you see a dove, you should woo it into your hands and color in its feathers with whatever markers that you have. You'll be glad that you did!