List Thirty Five.

A list of things to look forward to when you get old:

1. Being expected to wear really heinous and/or outlandish clothing on days other than Halloween.
2. The legitimate ability to tell anyone to "respect their elders" and actually have it apply in your favor.
3. The potential to take out your dentures at inopportune moments and possibly embarrass your family.
4. The knowledge that a good part of your descriptive vernacular could make you sound more fascinating by default (how cool of a word is "humdinger"? Or "dungarees"???).
5. You'll never have to think about getting a different haircut after reaching the age of 65.
6. All of your belongings will eventually become valuable antiques.
7. Not caring what you look like anymore when you hit the beach.
8. Being out of touch with really vacuous celebrity culture.
9. Driving obnoxiously large luxury cars.
10. Using the excuse "my hearing's not so good anymore" so you can blast your music as loud as you fucking please.

List Thirty Four.

A list of things that would probably be different about living in another dimension:

1. When flushing the toilet, water will both flow counter clockwise and regular clockwise, depending on its mood that day.
2. Birds will no longer fly, but jump very, very far from one object to the next.
3. Instant foods will instead require thirteen extra minutes of preparation time to make.
4. The letter C will now make the sound of a J, but J would still sound like a J, but quieter and with a slight lisp.
5. Sweaters will be articles of clothing that simply make you sweat, but not necessarily keep you warm.
6. Trash will take itself out.
7. Australia's capital will be called "Australiaville."
8. No one will find mice even remotely cute.
9. Libraries will be institutions that borrow books from you.
10. Clouds will be made of cotton candy but it will still rain regular rain, only it would be pink.

List Thirty Three.

A list of things that become holy once exclaimed:

1. shit!
2. fuck!
3. cow!
4. moley! (or moly)
5. mackerel!
6. smoke!
7. crap!
8. cannoli!
9. balls!
10. hell!

List Thirty Two.

A list of terms that get grammatical nerds hot and bothered:

1. Gerund.
2. Apposition.
3. Interpolation.
4. Dangling participle.
5. Parallel structure.
6. Comma splice.
7. Dependent marker word.
8. Phrasal verb.
9. Modal verb.
10. Passive voice.

List Thirty One.

A list of numbers found in the sequence of pi:

1. 8
2. 4
3. 9
4. 1
5. 0
6. 2
7. 6
8. 5
9. 3
10. 7

List Thirty.

A list of endangered things (i.e., things you don't see very often but wish you did):

1. Typewriters.
2. Non-yellow taxi cabs.
3. Fruit stripe gum.
4. Wax lips.
5. Scratch and sniff objects.
6. Salads whose contents aren't overwhelmed by (disgustingly bland) iceberg lettuce.
7. People dressed up in costume.
8. Robes.
9. Poltergeists.
10. Hot-dog shaped dogs.

List Twenty Nine.

*A list of things where less is definitely more:

1. Pimples.
2. Felonies.
3. Wedgies.
4. Messes.
5. Garlic.
6. Insults.
7. Commercials.
8. Stink bombs.
9. Mosquitoes.
10. Snake bites.

*This was supposed to be Tuesday's posting. Therefore, there will be two Wednesday postings.