List Twenty Six.

A list of things that average people can already do, but these certain animals performing them would be amazing to see:

1. A porcupine writing its own name.
2. An octopus putting a crab in a jar.
3. A parrot correctly and consistently identifying the difference between red and blue.
4. A dog dialing 911.
5. A bunny playing Chopsticks on the piano.
6. A koala braiding someone's hair.
7. A bear jumping rope.
8. A kangaroo fishing with a fishing pole.
9. A giraffe walking along a straight line.
10. Giraffes in general, actually.

List Twenty Five.

A list of clothing items that men should avoid wearing:

1. Socks scrunched around the ankles.
2. Visors.
3. Pleated pants.
4. Shirts with "ironically misogynistic" phrases.
5. All athletic wear if you are not doing something athletic: this goes for gross running shoes, sweatpants and tacky striped nylon windbreaker-things.
6. Zippered shirts, especially those that only zip from the top of the collar to the mid-chest region.
7. Sandals - this excludes flip flops if you are at the beach.
8. T-shirts tucked into the jeans.
9. Backpacks - why, are you still in sixth grade?
10. Long-sleeved shirts tied around the waist.

List Twenty Four.

A list of musical artists / bands who might have missed their calling to be children's books:

1. Say Hi To Your Mom
2. Clap Your Hands Say Yeah!
3. Rex The Dog
4. A Sunny Day In Glasgow
5. My Brightest Diamond
6. Johnny And The Moon
7. Volcano I'm Still Excited!!
8. Saturday Looks Good To Me
9. Oh No! Oh My!
10. Monster Bobby

List Twenty Three.

A list of words that most likely don't belong in a pirate's vernacular:

1. Sequins
2. Potpourri
3. Fabulous
4. Taffeta
5. Doiley
6. Ylang-ylang
7. Sensual
8. Cosmopolitan
9. Pentameter
10. LOL

List Twenty Two.

A list of suggested names for Shannyn Sossamon's next child:

1. Catheter Tube
2. Marine Biology
3. Industrial Park
4. Terabyte Harddrive
5. Car Battery
6. Vacuum Cleaner
7. Combustion Engine
8. Outer Space
9. Electrical Current
10. (my personal favorite:) Ultra Violet (...Ray?)

List Twenty One.

A list of methods of transportation to avoid:

1. Any of the following rivers: Styx, Phlegethon, Lethe, Cocytus, and Acheron.
2. Two-toed sloths.
3. Any untested time machine.
4. Cars missing their engines.
5. Bikes missing their brakes.
6. Amelia Earhart's Lockheed 10E.
7. The Titanic.
8. Skydiving without a parachute
9. With your diarrhetic
10. AND FINALLY THE WORST OF ALL - THE STUPID GREYHOUND BUS SYSTEM BECAUSE THEY TAKE FOREVER AND ALWAYS BREAK DOWN.

List Twenty (for Claire).

A list of Justin Timberlake lyrics that are either ridiculous or unnecessary:

1. I think she's ready to blow / Must be my future sex love sound
2. They call me candle guy / simply because I am on fire
3. When you cheated girl / My heart bleeded girl
4. Let's watch Sex and the City or Desperate Housewives / Simon says touch yours while you touch mine
5. Ridin' in the drop top with the top down / Saw you switchin' lanes girl
6. Hi my name is Bob and I work at my job
7. In the mall kids, "that's how the chain glow" / Point to her they say, "wow, it's the same glow" / Point to me I say, "yeah, it's the same dough"
8. Said the air is thick / it's smelling right / So you pass to the left and you sail to the right
9. When you took my hand up so calm / Touched it to your cherry lip balm
10. I wanna be your lake / for your bay / And any problems that you have / I wanna wash 'em away